Take Me Back!

I wrote this  a few years ago and I felt led to share it with you now. I hope it blesses you like it just blessed me.


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5ObMFJrQFwM

I went in my bathroom in an attempt to keep my children from hearing me cry. I slid down the wall doubled over in pain asking God why. Asking Him how. "Why is this happening, God? How could they do this to me? How could you let them? How could you, God! What in the world did I ever do to deserve to hurt like this! What ever I did, God, I'm sorry! Just show me what I did wrong and I promise I won't do THAT ever again!"

As I cried out to God over what I was going through, He reminded me of something I witnessed years ago.

A long time ago, I went to the health clinic to get my daughter's immunization records to register her for school. While waiting, another little boy was getting a series of shots. He cried up a storm after the first one. He pitched a fit after the second one. And when the nurse tried to give him his third and final shot, he turned to his mother and said, "Mama, please! I'll be good! I won't do it no more!"

The mother broke down and cried. She cradled her son in her arms, but she held him down and let the nurse give him his final shot. She had to let him experience that minor pain to protect him from something far more devastating that could attack his body later.

God began to say to me, "Just as that mother's heart broke for her son, my heart breaks for you. It breaks my heart to know that you think I am allowing this because I am punishing you. No. I am allowing this because I love you and I know that if I rescue you from this, something greater will come later and it could take you out. All I can do is hold you and wipe your tears. All I can do is comfort you until it doesn't hurt anymore. So be a big girl for Daddy. Take it. I'm not trying to hurt you. I'm trying to protect you. You are being inoculated for what is yet to come. Because of this you will be able to take that..."

If you click the link above, you will hear what began the process of finally setting me free. Everything I've gone through was setting me up so God could TAKE ME BACK. When I watched Yolanda Adams sing that song, in a flash, I saw myself as a little girl who was once so hungry for God.

I saw myself running around that tent and speaking in tongues at the age of 7.
I saw myself laying on the altar and the ushers having to take me in a separate room so my pastor could do the benediction. They knew not to disturb me because the spirit of God would be on me so heavy. 

I saw myself having Bible study on the play ground.

I remembered when I prayed and God moved.

I remembered when I preached and folks were delivered.

I remember being a Minister of music and hearing God whisper in my ear during praise and worship.

I remembered when I sang under the anointing and I felt God's presence, just like Yolanda did on that video.

And in that moment, nothing else mattered.

My broken heart didn't matter. Who left, who stayed, who was coming back, who was there, who wasn't there...none of that mattered to me any more. And it still doesn't matter. I don't give a rip about who got a problem with me. You heard me? I know that I'm on my way somewhere and greatness is in my IMMEDIATE future. My destiny, as Paula White says, is not tied to anyone who leaves. I'm blowing 'em a kiss and waving goodbye.

All I want now is to feel God like THAT again. I want him to take me back to the time when I sought Him, craved Him, desired Him above all else.

I'm saying to Him:

Take me back to the place where I believed all things were possible!
Take me back to the time when I trusted you completely!
Before life happened...
Before I found out that everybody cryin' holy isn't really holy.
Before I found out that people can have gifts that don't match their character.

Take me back, Lord! Take me back to where I first believed!

So I give God the glory for the things that HE has done!

This morning, I can tell you with an assurance that IT'S OVER! The trials, the travail, the agony, the struggle..IT'S OVER! I'm walking into my destiny.

And I got to do what He told me if I want the things He showed me.
I'm looking for Him to fulfill the promises He made me and He's looking for me to submit to His plan and His purpose for my life.

My soul says, "Yes."